Larry, Darryl, and Darryl's Remodeling Company...Reeeel Cheep!

After having spent yet ANOTHER stinkin' Saturday digging myself out of a mess that another owner left for me (literally), I can't help but wonder why people do things, unless they're going to do them correctly!  It seems that the former owners of my little place (who I'm convinced was Larry, his brother Darryl, and his other brother Darryl) saw absolutely NO need to do anything properly.  Ever.

Take, for example, the "drainage" system in front of my garage.  Apparently it was installed correctly years ago, but the toll of rain and snow run-off eventually buried it.  So what did Larry and the Darryls do?  Instead of re-digging the line and clearing it, they decided to build a berm in front of the garage.  According to my neighbors, they spent a LOT of time shoveling sawdust, gravel, and dirt and building a nice little speedbump-style monument.  I can imagine their sweat-moistened foreheads gleaming in the Colorado sun as they proudly stood back, rested their flannel and plaid adorned arms on their shovels, and thought "That'll hold the water back reeeeeeel nice!"  Apparently, they failed to understand the basic laws of physics, whereby water runoff will find the path of least resistance, and simply go around the berm.  ((((((Smacking forehead)))))))

What this has meant for yours truly is that every time it's rained, or every time the snow has fallen and subsequently melted, my basement has flooded.  In an attempt to CORRECTLY fix the drainage issue, I've dug through roughly 30 feet of gravel, sand, sawdust, roughly 12-18 inches deep.  NOT easy digging.  At all.  This has caused ME to altogether too closely begin to resemble Larry, Darryl, and Darryl.

I walked by a lamp today and knocked it over.  With my damn bicep.  Or maybe it was my lats.  I dunno, I just know that somehow my arms are growing, my hair looks A LOT like theirs after my digging sessions, and I keep eyeing my chin suspiciously in case a beard hair tries to pop out.    I'm already far too self-conscious about my veiny, scrawny  "Madonna arms".  I fear if I keep having to dig, I'll morph in a female body-builder look.  Like Schwarzenegger.  (Or Stephenegger??)  Blech.    And as much as I love plaid and flannel, and the cozy mountain winter-y feel they evoke, I will now have to flush my wardrobe of any such outerwear in an attempt to stop the metamorphosis into a grizzled, buff, doofus-y mountain man.

So please, for anyone out there attempting to do a project, I implore you to do it correctly the FIRST time, and eschew the temptation to just do a LarryDarrylDarryl quick-fix.  Your future owners, who prefer to resemble the likes of Gwen Stefani, rather than Ahhhnold or Larry, Darryl, and Darryl will thank you.